i just read a fanfiction that i could really relate with and as a result i don't feel completely mentally stable right now sob. cried my eyes out at multiple times during the story :'). it was an eruri fic and the part i really related to was levi pushing all his friends (and his lover) away with harsh words because of his inability to commit. i really, really understood that, because every few months or so (we're talking about 5-6 months here) i end up pushing friends away and pretending that's okay and just drifting away to spend time with other friends.

i'm aware it's not healthy.
but i don't have the strength to go see a therapist. partially also because i'm worried about the fees, and i really don't want my mom to spend more on me than she already has.

am i really gonna keep drifting through life like this i dont know

the fic in question is "Four Years Later".