i'm not very good with suspense or being put on the edge or cornered, it makes me want to dry heave, and usually i do end up doing just that, hahaha. i'm very good at.. running away.. from my problems..... i hate facing things straight on, i hate social interaction, my jaw hurts from stretching my face to smile at shit i didn't even find that funny. my fake laugh and fake ass voice makes me want to retch.

yet even tho i seem like i hate myself a lot, i look at myself in the mirror on good days and think Goddamn i look pretty nice today. hair looks great, eyes look bright.

i'm a victim of victim complex, in which everything is definitely everyone else's fault and never mine. in a sense that makes me a pretty good actress, but it's manipulative and twisted, essentially guilt tripping, but i try not to think too much about it

i love being left alone to read my fanfiction and doujin in my own time, but i realize as i stare at something i want to do which requires at least one other person, that although i like being alone, i don't particularly like the feeling of being lonely

i'll try to train my overly dependent personality into one that doesn't require reassurance from people i don't even care about, and stop being so reliant. hate it when i give too many fucks about what other people spit about me

i can acknowledge my problems, but in the end i'll try and fail to change them